Rain

 

           If I had to pick reoccurring symbols in my life aside from tea, fish, and hair, one of them would for sure be rain.  I’d like to think that if I were a type of weather I’d be rain. I like the way rain is multi dimensional, it is cold and wet, yet soft and sweet, and raw and refreshing. I love the way it renews the earth, and how after a good downpour life glistens in a sort of foggy dew of reaffirmed peace. I like the way the world gets really quiet while it rains, and how no matter where I am or what is going on, when it rains I feel a little more special, like that particular day is something out of a good movie. All good movies have one dramatic in the rain scene. I just like the smell of the rain, and the way it sends the wind blowing, and the big dramatic clouds roll in and make the world a little darker. I love the way flowers look when they are covered in raindrops, and I love the way it feels when I walk through the streets holding an umbrella.

            Some of my fondest childhood memories are running around in the pouring rain out on the golf course, sliding down the wet hills on bogey boards, or playing games with my sister about who could wade the furthest out in the ditch without getting pulled away in the current. I remember the time I walked the dog all the way out to the edge of the bayou and I was watching someone’s boat bob around out on the water, when all of a sudden the skies opened up and I got dumped on. I remember how within seconds I was drenched down to my underwear, and how my matted hair had snarled as I’d run home to get back to a warm dry house. I don’t like being wet, but I adore the feeling of raindrops on my face. I remember the cozy days when it would rain for weeks on end, with only a slight pause in between the storms and how I’d take residence in our formal living room  that allegedly had a ghost, with the big double doors shut, and I’d nestle in the armchair with the curtains around me as a blanket and read book after book without end. I love the way thunder sounds when I am falling asleep, like a gentle giant as I snuggle into my duvet.

This is the end...

...of an era. This marks the end of my carefree summer and indicates the transition in my life from high school to college. I'm terrified because I don't know what my future holds for me. I couldn't tell you how anything will work out and I'm scared to find out. At the same time it's frighteningly wonderful, because I've begun to discover that some of the most beautiful moments in life are the unpredicted ones. I learned this summer that the difference between being upset and being happy is entirely perspective. It seems obvious that how I chose to view my life makes a huge impact on how I feel about it, but the application of this is incredible. The lesson is that there is always a bright light waiting for you anywhere you go. The destination is almost irrelevant in light of what you choose to make of it. My predicted path was not very accurate at all, as many of the ideas I had of who I should be were not fulfilled. Some of this was within my realm of control and some of it was definitely not. Regardless, I can sit here and say today I've become even more of the person I'm meant to be despite the disappointment a and let downs. So many of the tumultuous struggles ended up resolving themselves and led me to feel I'm embarking on a journey that's leading me to all the bigger goals in my life. I've said it before, but not getting what you want makes you just as happy as getting something you want does. It's all based off of how you take the current situation and run with it. Holding a grudge for people who accomplished your dreams is absurd, because that no longer matters. If you don't achieve your old dreams, that just means you outgrew them and need to make some new ones. We can never be more than we are. The end of high school showed me its okay if I'm not the smartest or the prettiest or the most athletic. I'm going to keep struggling with those issues in my life forever, but the more time goes on the more I can roll my eyes at my silliness. I'm a legal adult now and intend to begin attempting to act in a way that suggests I am what I want to be. I'm going to be a powerful woman and no one is going to stop me. Now to lift my invisible champagne glass and toast the past. Thank you to all the people who crossed my path and taught me humbling lessons about love, loss, and adolescent stupidity. To everyone who I have loved, I will hold them in my heart forever. And here's to this new chapter of my life on the hilltop in the Big D. Many beautiful flowers blossom from unexpected places.

Questions and Answers you didn't think you wanted to know

Do you believe everything happens for a reason?
Serendipity is real in my opinion. 

What did your last text say?
"Okay!"

Where is the person you last kissed at this moment?
Probably at his little summer school chemistry class sleeping.


What do the majority of people in your life call you?
A princess...

What's your favorite number?
7.

Was your last text message from a girl or boy?
Girl.

Think of the last person you said I love you to, did you mean it?
I did completely! 

Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed?
Already witnessed that.

When was the last time you were out of state for more than a day and why?
It was when we went to Disneyland for Project Grad, and it was probably barely a full day, but I am going to count it because we were at Disney for 18 hours which must be some kind of record.

What's wrong with you right now?
My mouth feels like it is having contractions, I look like a retarded chipmunk, my entire body aches.

Were you happy when you woke up today?
No I think I was crying in pain.

Do you know someone who is CONSTANTLY texting?
Yeah that would be me...

What exactly are you wearing now?
An oversized Nutella shirt that I wear as a nightgown.

How was last night?
Horrible actually, thank you for asking.

Are you a cuddler?
I'm the best cuddler west of the Mississippi.

Why aren't you dating the last person you texted?
Because it's my mom...

Have you ever been asked out by someone you didn't want to be with?
Yes I have! Multiple times actually.

What were you doing at 4am this morning?
Peeing for the millionth time.