Dear Me of the future and whoever else reads all of this,
My life and hard times or my life in the time of making the single most critical decisions I have ever been asked to make my whole life long. No one ever as sat down with me so many times and just asked me “What do you want?” “ Where do you want to be?” Maybe the truth is I couldn’t really tell you because it is all just one big giant mind block to me. I don’t know what I want and that’s about all I do know. I’ve never found an area of my life that brings me enough joy for me to have a revelation that it was exactly how I wanted to spend the rest of my life. It could happen, but it hasn’t, and that leaves me in the awkward position of trying to force a fit for myself when it just flat out doesn’t. The part of college life that excites me is the part about living in a new place with new smells and new opinions and new faces that want to know me. I like the idea of libraries when it’s raining and the idea of decorating a dorm room in a cozy manner and having a roommate who is my best friend. I just like a lot of the finer details of college living minus the idea of not being to handle my classes or hating it or everyone there. It makes no sense to me that I’m being forced to move out of my house. I just feel like I’m way too small to be out in the real world alone. Not to mention I lack most essential skills necessary to function out in the real world, like the ability to cook, or do laundry, or balance a balance sheet. (I got a 53% on that quiz in business class.)
I also broke my phone this week, even though it’s not totally broken, I mean it still functions.... just not one of the two buttons on the phone, the lock button, meaning the phone is permanently in the "on" position. Could be an extended metaphor for the position of my brain.
What else has been going on? The new Taylor Swift album came out, so I’ve been listening to that a lot. Then the IB Halloween party is this evening and I plan on attending that in a slutty cheetah costume…. It’s always part of a scheme I assure you.